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07 March 2014 @ 02:24 am
Another twist in job/home situation  
 I went with job 1 in the end and was happy with this decision until today. The Job has now moved location. Or at any rate I got another email today confirming the start date and it's a completely different location it is not in Togwell but Bletchley and I still don't know what time I'm starting on Monday. This situation has now increased my anxiety, and caused me to question if I've made a mistake choosing this job.

I'd planned out my journey, walked to the location to be sure I had an idea where I was going and how to get there/back should I need to walk, the change of address has rendered this pointless. In my new estimation the travel is only slightly longer by bus but now involves slightly more walking, plus its now too far to walk the whole way, and taxi will cost over £10. Also I was quite happy when I thought it was next to a lovely lake and now it's not this disappoints me.

In addition to this I'd lied to my mum and told her I already started (long story but called all distressed and wants me home, had I told her I'd not started yet I'm quite sure I'd have been told turn the job down and move back in) of course I told her about the old address and how it was next to lake and info about buses and taxi fares that aren't true, and now at some point i'm going to get caught out in this lie and there will be hell to pay.

In news with my dad, mum is not coping well at all, she phoned me in tears about how dad is to difficult for her to handle and how he's fading away, but at least I'd calmed her by the end of the call. I'm 99% sure that all thats happening is exactly what we all knew would, my dad is using the cancer card to spend all day sleeping or watching TV because this is exactly what he wants to do, and what he would normally do if not working. This is not a sign of sickness, lazing about watching TV on the couch all day is normal for him, he's never been active ever. My mum saying she can't handle him alone means she has to argue to get him off the sofa and drag him out for a walk, even if I was home he wouldn't listen to me any more than her. Maybe I'm selfish but my sister is there, mum just says shes at work all day, I get the idea when I come home I won't be allowed to work and will need to be on beck and call 24/7 and I'm sorry but I'm not prepared to do that until the end when dad will need full time care. I don't want to give up my life here. Also my sis still plans to move out the second I come home so she can go and start a new life while I give up mine.

Also I got yelled at for not going home, but I can't afford to its a £40 trip and I've not had a full wage in over a year, mum of course pointed out how she'd offered to pay, which a complete lie, but you can't tell her that, also she might pay once but she won't be forking that kind of money out regularly, even if she did it'd be held over my head for life.
 
 
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Katiefantasysci5 on March 7th, 2014 04:48 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry. *hugs*
vix_spesvix_spes on March 7th, 2014 11:49 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry hun, it sounds as though you're stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment. I'm keeping everything crossed that something turns for the better for you *hugs*
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